A Short Story In Progress
Taken off the cobwebbed shelf, and brushed off a year’s worth of dust.
Shit. Fuck, Alice.
“Hi, Alice,” said Samantha.
Alice turned her head, looking around herself. Did Samantha just speak to me? She has spoken to me twice before, and my name is Alice. Do other Alice’s attend Rodrick High? Maybe, two, Alice Greene and Alice Bogham, but – I don’t see them anywhere.
“Hey,” Samantha was standing in front of Alice.
“Guu-aa …”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeeaah. I have this itch in my throat. Guu-aah! Guu-aah!” Alice coughed. “It helps me clear my throat.” I’m a loser.
“I have your notes. Thanks for letting me borrow them. I usually get them from my friend, Ashley, but she missed that day too. Your handwriting is a lot better than hers. You know what they say about people with …”
“Big dicks.” Alice interjected. Shit! What did I just say? Who says that? It’s those damn that’s-what-she-said jokes!
“Um,” Samantha laughed. “No. People with good handwriting have good self-esteem.”
“Oh. Yeah, no, I haven’t heard of that one.”
“I never heard of big dicks being correlated to good handwriting. If that were the case, all guys would be screwed. Or they wouldn’t be.”
Alice laughed nervously. “I wouldn’t know.”
“Me neither,” Samantha said smiling. “Thanks again for the notes.”
Alice watched Samantha walk towards the cafeteria. I’m not awkward.
—
“Jose? Do you think I’m beautiful?”
“You’re the one who can’t stop staring at yourself in the mirror. Does that answer your question?” Jose sat on top of one of the bathroom sinks, leaning against a mirror. “Claro que si. Of course you are.”
“But do you think I’m attractive?” Could someone find me attractive?
“You’re gorgeous, Alice.” Jose turned to look at himself and smiled, running his hand through his hair. “Gorgeous people have gorgeous friends. How do you think we got paired up?”
We’re both misfits who laughed at the same Star Wars grammar joke in Ms. Gatham’s class first year. “But you’re gay. Maybe I’m asking the wrong guy.”
Jose jumped down from the sink and walked towards Alice. He leant his hand against the blue and white tiled wall. “Who else would you ask?”
“Well,” Santa Clause? God? The Tooth Fairy? Mr. Johnson? “No one.” Alice turned around and sat on the floor, her back against the mirror. “I can make some imaginary friends, but I don’t think they would be too talkative, unless maybe I took acid or mushrooms or something.”
A bathroom stall opened behind them. A tall, prissy, polo shirt girl huffed as she went to wash her hands. She hit the soap dispenser harder than usual and attacked the paper towel dispenser, pulling on the lever roughly, each time banging it as she brought it down. Jose and Alice just stared at her. She quickly walked past them, bumping into Jose. “Excuse me!” she exclaimed.
“I’m sorry, Ashley. My bad for being in your way.” Jose laughed once she left. “So,” Jose wore a smirk on his face. “Miss lady, no more distractions, who is this someone you want to attract?”
“No one,” Alice answered too quickly.
Jose teased Alice, speaking every word slowly and drawn out. “Is this ‘no one’ tall, athletic, has long golden locks, curvy hips, perfect breasts, not too small, not too big, fair skin, brown eyes?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Samantha Evans, she’s pretty.”
“She’s gorgeous,” breathed Alice. “I like her smile.”
“Mmm hmm, her smile, that’s usually the first thing I notice about a really hot person. ‘Hey you, you have a really nice,’ revert eyes back to face, ‘smile.’” Jose walked towards one of the girl’s stalls, while undoing his belt. “Maybe she’s a good kisser. You should go figure that out.”
Alice began to tap her foot. “And how do you propose I do that? Should I just run up to her and say, ‘Hey, Samantha,’ then plant one on her when she turns around? Maybe I’ll come to school that day in a rainbow leotard to make it obvious. You could be walking beside me with a stereo blasting the Indigo Girls. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good to me, I have the Indigo Girls and an old school stereo. So we’re all good to go. How about we do this next Monday? It gives you a week to get the leotard.”
“You’re funny. How ‘bout not?” Alice stood up, facing the mirror, and put her hair in a pony tail. “Do you think I’m beautiful?” she paused, almost talking to herself, “I can’t tell.”
“You are. Samantha would be lucky to have you.”
Alice smiled. Maybe.
—
Alice was tapping her pencil on her open notebook. Samantha sat right in front of her. Every class, Alice noticed the following in this order: Mr. Johnson’s toupee, the pictures of babies, pregnant women, diseased dicks with gonorrhea and the clap, etc, pamphlets about safe sex on the shelves, Mr. Johnson’s life outside of being a teacher inserted onto the classroom walls with posters of Jerry Rice, Joe Montana and Terrell Owens, ‘How in the hell did these desks get so vandalized,’ the smoldering heat and ripeness that accompanies a small classroom filled to the brim with jocks and, – laughter walking into the room, at around 12:10pm, Samantha.
She is so gorgeous. She smells soooo good.
“The best way to prevent pregnancy or STDs is by not having sex,” said Mr. Johnson.
Having sex with other women is also an effective form of birth control. Has Samantha had sex? I wonder if she has had sex with men.
That’s gross. She plays softball; she must have strong hands, strong fingers.
“But for those who do want to engage in sexual intercourse, use condoms or birth control.”
Do lesbians need condoms? Where would I put it? On her finger? ‘Excuse me? Can I have your smallest sized condom? Or if you have something specially imported that’s even smaller than that? His dick is about the size of my finger. I know; it’s sad. I’d say I’m with him for his big heart, but it’s his tongue that makes up for where he’s lacking.’ Ewww. Ten condoms for my fake boyfriend to please my parents and zero for Samantha to please me. She smells so good. I could just reach out and …
“If you are having sex with the same sex, you do not need to worry about birth control, but you still need to use protection, condoms or dental dams.”
Dental dams? You are soooo gorgeous. Your lips look so soft. I wish I could just …
Samantha turned her neck towards Alice. “Do you have a pencil I could borrow? My tip broke.”
Alice was stuck in mid-thought. Pretty … “You’re pretty.” Alice froze. Did I just say that out loud? The words rushed out of her mouth. “Um … Pencil. Your pretty pencil broke? That’s too bad. Yeah. Yeah, I have another one you could use. Here you go.” She shoved it towards Samantha too quickly and scratched her hand. “I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay.”
“I didn’t mean to thrust it so hard. I mean, push it. I mean, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Alice. There’s nothing wrong with a little scratch. Thanks.” She smiled and turned back towards the front of class.
“Just because the penis is not going into the vagina, it does not mean that you are safe from STDs. Always use protection.”
—
Alice was changing into her P.E. uniform. Samantha’s locker was right beside Alice’s. Samantha began to lift up her shirt and her elbow grazed against Alice’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” Samantha looked Alice in the eyes and smiled.
Uhhhh. She touched me. She has no shirt on. Oh my gosh. She’s so beautiful. I’m looking at her. Look away. Say something.
A girl tripped into Samantha, cursing under her breath, “Fuck these crowed lockers,” and pushed her while trying to gather her balance.
Samantha fell into Alice, shirtless.
Oh my – She’s touching me. Her bare stomach is touching me!
They both fell to the ground. The weight of Samantha’s body engulfed Alice’s.
I’m dreaming. I must be dreaming. Wake up Alice. Alice, wake up.
Samantha looked into Alice’s eyes and smiled. She stood up, grabbed Alice’s hand and helped her up. “You seem to be the peanut butter to my jelly today. Always bumping into me.”
I don’t know what to say to this. I’m her peanut butter. Peanut butter is sticky. Peanut butter sticks to jelly. One goes on top of the other. How am I supposed to react to this statement?
Samantha left towards the gymnasium.
I should have said something. No, I read too much into that. I’m such a freak. She was just being friendly.
—
Alice shuffled her feet and held her head down as she walked home, passing by suburban neighborhood, after neighborhood, with a tree here and there to break the monotony. She turned up her ipod, singing, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the …”
“Hey, Alice, do you need a ride?” Somebody spoke from a car window, pulling over.
What would I have said anyway? ‘Thanks for falling on me. Do it again soon!’ Who’s this stalker creeping on me? Whatever. It’s probably some dumb jock trying to tell me my hair looks like shit again. ‘Couldn’t get that shit out Cox? Hey Cox, Alice Cox? Did you hear me?’
The car inched forward, following alongside Alice. “Hey Socrates, what are you thinking?”
‘Is shampoo too expensive to wash that shit out of your hair?’ Stop following me fucker. What would I have said to Samantha anyway? She would know what I was thinking. Like anything would ever happen. “I at least could have said something to her.” Alice groaned.
The voice from the car grew louder, “Said what to whom?”
Alice lifted her head. “Huh, um, uh.” Shit. SHE was following me the whole time?
“Who did you want to talk to?”
“Um, I must look like a dumb fuck, I just randomly talk to myself sometimes. You know, like, um …”
Samantha smiled. “Do you need a ride home, Alice?”
“I usually just walk.”
“I usually see you walking when I drive home. It’s not a big deal if you want to jump in, Alice. Where do you live?”
“It’s kind of far.”
“I have the time.”
“Um, ok.”
—
She is right next to me. I could be in one of those movies where I pretend to yawn and stretch out my arm and touch her. I’m that close! Oh fuck, I don’t know what to say to her. ‘So, you like softball?’
“Do you walk home every day?”
“Um, no. Sometimes I go to Jose’s house. He has an older sister. She takes me home sometimes.”
“You can put your water bottle in the holder. Are you and Jose going out? I always see you guys together. ”
“Me and Jose?” Yeah, I’m dating my gay best friend, and oh yeah, by the way, I have a crush on you – a girl. “No. He’s just my best friend.”
“My friend Ashley thinks he’s gay.”
“Um. Lie. No. he’s straight as an arrow.” Great, she’s straight.
“Good. Not that I have anything against gay people, but my friend Jaime will be glad to hear that. She has a crush on him. Did you say a right at the next light?”
“The one after this.” Jose will find that hilarious.
“I always thought it would be cool to have a male best friend, kind of like an older brother figure. The problem is they’re always hitting on me. Is Jose protective of you?”
I’d be hitting on you to if I were a guy. “Protective? What do you mean?”
“You know, like with guys?”
“Oh, no. I don’t really go out a lot with guys, or go out at all really. You can make a left here.”
“You don’t like to go out on dates?”
I’d love to if girls asked me. I’d go on a date with you. “Um, I don’t know. I’ve never been on one. My house is right here, to the right.”
“Right here?”
“Yeah, the blue-greyish one, next to the house with the big black truck.”
“Have you ever kissed anybody before?” Samantha asked as she pulled over.
“Um, no. Not yet. Have you?”
“Yeah. I had my first kiss with John Addlegate, in kindergarten.”
“In kindergarten?”
“Yup. It was just a peck on the cheek. Did you think I started frenching when I was 5?”
“Oh, uh – no. I guess not.”
“His name was Devon. He was an older boy, by 2 months. I thought he was so cool with his spider man backpack. I would sit alone on the edge of the playground to get his attention during recess, and one day, during reading time, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I liked playing coy with the ones I liked, but I’d also chase the boys around the playground, and then run away from them yelling, ‘I bet you can’t kiss me!’”
“Did they?”
“Nope. I was in the 5th grade when I had my first kiss on the lips. Me and Adam went out for a whole two weeks. It all started with holding hands, and it all ended when I saw him holding Sarah McArther’s hand. But that was just like a peck on the lips kind of kiss. I had my first serious relationship in the 8th grade with Chris. I count that as my first kiss, the first meaningful one anyway.
Devon, Adam, Chris – great.
“Chris went to the rival middle school. She is a softball player too. Is this your house right here?”
Woopdy doo. Good for Chris. “Yeah, right here. When did you two breakup?”
“We broke up half way through our 9th grade year.”
I’m never going to have a chance with her. Wait, did you say she? “Weren’t you dating John Seether?”
“I dated John last year, for a little while. I don’t count him as a boyfriend, or as a person who I kissed. He was a horrible kisser and a horrible human being. It lasted about a month.”
So you do date guys? “Why is that?”
“He was a huge ass. The day I decided I was going to break up with him, I found out he was cheating on me with a junior. I asked him about it and he told me ‘I’m in the point of my life where I need to date women now, not young girls.’ She was only a year above us. He was a real asshole.”
“Um, yeah, I don’t like him either.” Chris?
“Why’s that?”
“He’s an asshole to everyone.” Is Chris a she?
“Yeah, he really is.”
Were you in a relationship with a girl? You kissed a girl? Chris can go either way. Christopher, Christina, Chris. “Chris?” Shit!
“Hmm. What about Chris?”
Is Chris a girl? “You count Chris as your only kiss?”
“No. I count Chris as my first meaningful kiss. I have gone through a lot of bad kissers and a lot of good kissers too, but it was more than just a sexual attraction with her.”
Her! “Oh, well, that’s good.” You’re not straight! You like kissing girls too!
Samantha smiled at Alice. “We’ve been sitting here for a while. Is my life story that intriguing?”
“Um, uh.”
“I’m in no rush. I’m enjoying talking to you. With Rodrick’s population of mainly preps, you stand out, the semi-Goth girl, paired up with the Hispanic boy. It’s intriguing.”
She finds me intriguing? Her lips, I find them intriguing. They are so full. “Um, I never thought of myself as Goth.”
“No? Dark hair, pale skin, deep, brooding, eye-liner eyes, dark clothes and that skull-fairy necklace you never take off.”
She notices me? Her lips look so soft, bitable. “I guess I look a little Goth.” Kiss me. I want you to kiss me.
“Yeah, you do.”
Just lean in and …. “I like black.” I like black? Could I be any more of a five year-old? I should leave before my grave reaches six feet.
“You’re making it easier for me to pin you as a stereotype, Alice. Am I going to find out that you’re hiding chains in your pocket?”
“Chains? What would I do with those?”
“There’s a lot you can do.”
Make a bridge? If I could just lean in a littler closer and … “Make a necklace? I see a lot of people with chain necklaces. Most all necklaces go on chains.”
Samantha laughed. “No, I wasn’t referring to necklaces, but yes, many necklaces are made with chains.”
Fuck. What did I say now? Alice reached towards Samantha to grab her water bottle and hit her arm against the seat as she grabbed it, spilling it on Samantha’s shirt. “Shit! Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m such a klutz. Let me help you.”
“It’s fine Alice. Being a little wet is harmless.”
Alice grabbed some of the napkins she saw on the floor and started wiping Samantha’s chest. “Oh shit, this is awkward, isn’t it? I’m going to stop drying your chest. Okay.” I just touched her breasts. Alice, leave now. I’ll grab my stuff and leave, like nothing happened.
Samantha smiled. “Are you feeling okay, Alice?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Thank you for the ride.”
“It’s fine, Alice. Don’t worry about my shirt, water dries.”
“Okay.” She likes girls, Alice. “Okay, I’m gonna go.” Alice grabbed her backpack and half emptied water bottle. “Samantha?” I want you to kiss me.
“Yeah?”
“Never mind.” Kiss me?
“What did you want ask?”
It’s not what I want to ask. Alice dropped her backpack and half emptied water bottle to the car floor and threw her body towards Samantha, smacking her lips against hers. Alice shifted her body, her elbow honking the horn. She jerked her body up and hit her head against the roof of the car. “Shit!” She looked at Samantha. Shit! Fuck, Alice. Alice smiled, grabbed her stuff, opened the car door, “Thanks for the ride,” and walked towards her house.
“Alice?”
Alice turned her head and saw Samantha’s surprised expression. Fuck! “Thanks for the ride. Bye.” Don’t look back. Keep walking. One more step. One more step. Almost there.
—
“Fuck me, Jose.”
“Not really interested, Alice.”
“Oh, you know what I mean.” What am I going to say to her? Maybe I could just pretend like nothing happened.
“You know though, it’s not like we’d get caught underneath the track bleachers. This would be a great place to have sex. It’s relatively spacious. No one wants to walk to the end of campus during lunch. While the jocks are getting jazzed on the blacktop and the socialites are energizing in their cafeteria and the upper quad, I could be energizing nicely here. Mmm, I think Brandon De Luca is gay. And he’s Italian. You can’t hide from her forever, Alice.”
I could drop out of school. I could become sick. If I have mono, I could miss up to a month of classes. Maybe she’d forget by then. “I can try.”
“So, is she a good kisser? You completely bypassed our Indigo Girls and rainbow leotard plan, but, hey, you got to cop a feel while you were at it.” Jose laughed.
“This isn’t funny. I spilt water on her; I awkwardly rubbed her chest; I rammed into her, shoving my face against hers; I hit my head and have a bruise on my arm from where I jammed it into the horn, and I’m pretty sure I heard her head hit pretty hard against the seat when I charged at her. I wish I could just die, just disappear now.”
“It will be pretty hard to disappear when she’s sitting right in front of you during Sex Ed or while she’s undressing right next to you, before and after P.E.”
Fuck. I think there’s an extra locker by the bathrooms, but someone always shits there before class. I almost puked once. I could change there. “What am I going to do? Maybe I could just not go to those classes tomorrow.”
“But for real now, was she a good kisser?”
“How the hell would I know? I attacked her. I was horrible. I just pushed my lips against hers for two seconds. She probably won’t even count it as a kiss. I won’t even fall under her category of ‘bad kissers.’” It will be non-existent, like fucking John Seether’s.
“You really are screwed.”
You think?
“I don’t know what to tell you, sweetie. I’d try to sugar coat it for you, but – there’s just nothing to sugar coat. It’s like death, there’s only so many ways to say it. She’s dead. She died. She’s gone. She’s diseased. She’ll never see you again. She’s done.”
I wish she’d never see me again.
“You’re done, overcooked, burnt and too far gone to save; thrown away in the trash, and not even the ants will eat you. There’s no pretty way to word it. It’s going to be awkward as hell.”
“Wow, thanks, Jose. I’ll have you write my eulogy.”
“It’d be my honor. I’d be offended if you chose one of your new imaginary friends over me.”
What the hell am I going to do?
—
12:10pm.
“Hey Blondie, where’s your friend? Hey, you, Queen Bee!”
I can’t believe Samantha went out with him. ‘I don’t count him as a boyfriend, or as a person who I kissed. He was a horrible kisser and a horrible human being.’ I was a horrible kisser. I don’t count.
“What do you want, John?” Ashley was looking at her nails, as if she were interested.
“Where’s Samantha? I look forward to her breasts every 2nd period. They miss my hands; it’s the least I can do to greet them with a smile and a deep, penetrating stare.”
I can’t believe John Seether got to touch her breasts. I’m sure they had sex. I’m a better choice than he is, but it’s assholes like him, men, who girls would rather have. I bet she enjoyed it. If I were a guy, things would be different.
“Go fuck off, John.”
“I do, about 8 times a day. Where is she?
Is she avoiding me? She hates me. She thinks I’m a scary freak, who attacked her, and she doesn’t want to see me again. What am I going to do? We can’t avoid each other for the rest of the year.
“She didn’t want to come to class today.”
She’s avoiding me.
“Quiet down everybody. Today, someone from the red flag campaign is coming to talk about sexual violence. By now, we should all know that forcing sexual encounters on those who are unwilling is wrong, but it still happens, so we’re going to hammer it in, until is sticks.
—
“Excuse me. Excuse me.” We all have an inch of space, but God, let me get through to my locker. “Excuse me. Thank you.” I’m late. I’m late. Hurry the fuck up and move. You don’t have to check your hair before you go to gym. Are you seriously not letting me pass? “Excuse me! I need to get through. Thank you.” Thank God Samantha didn’t come to school today. It would be awkward just seeing her; I wouldn’t know what to do with her undressing 6 inches away from me. What would I say to her? ‘I’m a better kisser than you think, let’s try it again.’ Alice grabbed her notebook from her locker. Damn it! I forgot to bring my exercise log. Whatever. Alice grabbed her gym clothes, threw off her shirt, grabbed her clothes from her locker and threw her gym shirt on. Shit, it’s inside out. She flung it back off. Slow down, Alice. The herd left, Samantha isn’t here. You’re doing good. Alice put her shirt back on, right side out. Fuck.
Samantha was standing right beside Alice, in her bra and underwear, grabbing her gym clothes from her locker.
Fuck.
Samantha had a smile on her face.
Fuck. Look down. Look at the floor. Stare at the bench. Alice jumped into her gym shorts, shoved her tennis shoes on, grabbed her notebook and pen and hopped to the right to jump over the bench, and break free into the gym. Fuck. Alice was on top of Samantha, Damn bunny ears, her laces sprawled freely against her shoes.
Samantha’s back was perched against the bottom of the locker. Alice was on top of her, in an awkward plank position, holding herself up, trying to create a feeling of distance. Their faces were only inches apart.
Alice could feel Samantha’s breath grazing her chin. Look away. Alice, look away. Damn, Alice, look away! Alice tried to shift her weight, and lost control of her plank. These are her breasts. My face is smothering her breasts. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Run, Alice! Alice rose up, hit her hip against the bench, “Shit,” and fell back down on Samantha. Don’t look at her. “Hi.”
“After you kissed me, you couldn’t wait to mount me, could you?”
Alice carefully stood up. “Um, uh, I, um.”
“Are you going to help me up after pushing me to the ground?”
“Uh, um.” Alice gave Samantha her hand. “My shoe lace.”
Samantha stood up, still holding Alice’s hand. “Was a good excuse to fall on me when I wasn’t wearing any clothes?”
“I, um, bunny ears, they, um, don’t always work, well.”
Samantha smiled, looked over her shoulder, then back to Alice, pulling Alice’s hand towards her, guiding her back against the locker. “As you probably know, I didn’t count yesterday as a kiss.”
I was horrible. I was too forceful. And I wasn’t wearing chapstick. I was biting my lips all day.
“Which is fine, you were nervous; you rushed it.” Samantha leaned in closer, staring at Alice’s lips, then her eyes.
Uhhh …
“But, we’re already late to class, so, there’s really no need to rush it this time.”
This time? What do you – oh. Soft … what do I … hmmm …good thing I used chap …, mmm, … WOW THERE!
“What’s wrong?”
“Um.” That wasn’t lips. “I, um,” want your lips back on mine.
“You weren’t expecting my tongue.”
“No.”
“Well, we are pretty late.” Samantha stepped back and reached for her gym clothes. “We should probably head into class.”
“Yeah.”
—
Alice was sitting on the floor, against the blue tiled wall. “What should I say to her when I see her?”
Jose was looking at himself in the mirror by his favorite stall. “Do I have a pimple? You can say whatever you want, Alice. I switched to Neutrogena!” Jose turned towards Alice. “There’s no need to be nervous like last time. She made the move on you.”
“I guess.” Then why are there dragons playing ‘not-it’ in my stomach?
A toilet flushed. Alice stood up and looked at Jose. Who’s here?
“You don’t have to be nervous, Alice.” Samantha walked out of the stall and towards the sink, turning on the water, slowly wetting the white ceramic.
Jose tried to stifle a laugh. “That’s what I told her. She’s quite the Virgo, always with a nervous stomach.”
Alice shot Jose a death glare. Thanks a lot!
Samantha ripped off a paper towel from the dispenser and walked towards Alice while drying her hands. “Why would you be nervous?” She threw the paper towel towards the garbage without keeping her eyes off of Alice, walking right to her, leaning her arm against the wall, over Alice’s head. “I don’t bite.” Samantha smiled, “Unless you want me to.”
The bathroom door opened. “Oh, Samantha, I was looking for …” Ashley stared at Samantha.
Samantha already had her hand down and stepped back a couple paces from Alice. “What’s up?”
“What are you doing?”
“Um, Jose told me that Alice got a new ear piercing that he wanted to get for himself. You know how Jaime loves piercings on guys. I was checking it out.”
“What are you even doing in here, Jose? This is the girl’s bathroom. You are not a girl.”
“I often see you in the boy’s bathroom during 5th period. It’s ironic how Jason always has to go to the bathroom the same time you do?”
“Whatever. I was looking for you, Samantha. I was thinking we should go to the beach tomorrow. It’s going to be a gorgeous day and I want to work on my tan.”
“Yeah, that sounds good to me.”
Ashley was looking in the mirror to check her makeup. “And then, I was thinking we could get some Mexican and maybe we could convince Jaime’s older brother to buy us beer. I know you could definitely convince him.”
Jose was looking back and forth between them and Alice.
What just happened?
“Yeah, I could try.”
“Cool, also, I was thinking …”
Their voices grew distant as the left the bathroom.
“She didn’t even look at you again. It’s like you didn’t exist.”
“You think I didn’t notice?”
——————–
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